A little tweet

As I go out in the evenings to water my garden, I can almost taste the bitter dust of drought as I see the birds sitting on my fence posts, pining...
wishing they were brave enough to
drink.
shower.
swim.
If they had tongues, I'm sure they would pant.

I don't have a bird bath
but I have pity
And with this pity
and my hose
I have chased away
many birds

But tonight was different
...I wasn't thinking about birds as I watered.
Nor was I thinking about my garden.
Nor water
nor wind
nor evaporation
I wasn't even moving back and forth to cover the ground evenly.
I was just standing there.

Briefly I saw something out of the corner of my eye, and then there suddenly was a hummingbird bathing in the spray of my dormant hose

This time I held still
on Purpose.

I felt honored that the little dude picked my hose to have a shower under. But it didn't last long.

This reminds me of a dream I had about an orange bird that came to visit me on the patio one night.
We became friends.
It was not afraid of me, and I was not cautious.
As the night wore on, I became very aware that I could not keep this little orange bird.
It did not belong to me
and the moment was brief.
It was a temporary blessing,
a fleeting glimpse of the colliding of two very different worlds ...one in which I knew little about.

The hummingbird
is a symbol for accomplishing that which seems impossible.

Connected

There is an unexplainable
connection
when someone just
gets "it"
with little explanation

sees the picture
understands the concept
feels the emotion

like-minded
close-hearted
familiar-spirited

friend.

Then there are the times
and places
and situations
and people
in which
you need to
explain
strain
exclaim
retain
ascertain
and
sustain
the connection

It is not always easy
You are not always understood
Not always pure
Not always sure

But the lesson
is always
valuable.

Discovering Life

I'm happy.

I want to swim in a puddle, cuz it's impossible.
I want go on a hot walk.
That's when I walk on hot sand and burn my feet a little.
I want to sing while I am whistling.
Because somebody has to be first.
I want to spend more money on Time.
I want to go behind the scenes and bring my spirinoculars.
(That's a combination of seeing in the spirit and seeing with binoculars.)
I want to squirt you with my kids' water gun.
And run.
I want to play dress up with Perspective.
And design my own costume.
I want to scribble.
I want to push the rules a bit.
Nudge.
Bump.
See if it's a real rule.
See if it's God's rule.
Or man's rule.
Perhaps that's why my kids do it too.)

Color Code, Arrange, Label, Shelve

My life is like my Pantry.

There is a certain order to things, but if you look hard enough, you could find Dust. Efficiency and Deficiency share a shelf on the left side at about eye level while the Blender and Coffeemaker cuddle on the lower shelf, peering from below with seditious eyes.

Clutter Flutter:

There's some stuff in there that I got on sale, that I still haven't tried.

There are some new seasonings I thought would make me a Capital C for Chef... but they didn't work, so now they're taking up space.

Imaginary Helpful Tips & Tricks:

There's a broom! I feel good. But I really need a Mop. So instead of mopping, I wipe with Paper Towel. But there are no paper towels in my Pantry. The Paper Towels are under the sink. (It made sense at the time.)

There's a stepping stool to see what's on the highest shelf, but no flashlight so I can see or acknowledge what's on the bottom in the corner.

The Metamorphosis Within:

The things I like, self-duplicate with little to no effort what-so-ever. I have full confidence that I will never run out of them. Like popcorn. And Raisen Bran.

There are things we need that I don't like, but I get because someone else likes them. These, too, go in the Pantry alongside the things of greater Value. These things I don't like, I run out of. Somehow I knew enough to get them the first time, but I fail to recognize when I'm lacking in them.

I cannot go on without mentioning that there is a very tiny spot for the things that I Really like. It's a tiny spot because it is also a Hiding Spot. I need to hide them for two reasons. 1. They have a special place in my heart. 2. They have a not-so-special place under my skin.

Inventory Shminventory:

Some things are in my Pantry, and I have no idea how they got in there.

Some things were supposed to be in there, and I have "no idea" how they went missing.

"Under Construction" :

Didn't I just fix that? Didn't I just move this? How did it get back over there?! The answer: It has a mind of its own. Moving. Switching. Removing. Ditching. Packaging and unpacking. Sometimes I take the detour around the Construction area because I'm on a schedule and have no time for this. Other times, I plow through without realizing that the speed fines double. Once or twice I would have benefited from procuring the required hard hat because the falling objects were bound to hit at least some part of me.

Attitude or Gratitude?:

One thing I know for sure is that my Pantry is a place I can't avoid. It's condition relies solely on my Disposition.

"My Pantry's not a place, it's an Attitude."

Yeah, yeah, yeah...I'll think about that next week.

So many different aspects of my life I can relate to what it is like to climb a mountain. It's such a vivid analogy to me right now, that I'm sure I could even equate eating breakfast in the morning to it. But, for this moment, I would like to talk about how drawing nearer to God is like climbing a mountain.

Starting out. I can see the bottom. It's where I'm at. The very bottom. Everybody's ahead of me, nobody's behind me. When I look up, I'm not even sure I can see the top...I just know that it must be up there somewhere. Must be in the fog. Yeah, that's why I can't see it.

If I already know I can't make it to the top in one day, then why should I even bother starting today? I don't have enough energy. Snooze. I'm not good enough at climbing. Excuse. I'll need to get new shoes first. Ruse. I could most likely probably be somewhat just as happy looking at the pictures. Reduce.

Somehow something inside of me starts the "one-two" and I begin the hike. A breeze blows, and I realize this could be kind of nice. I smell the fresh scent of a place I haven't been in a long, long time. Seduce. Why did I think this would be so much work again? News.

After a while, I'm gaining momentum, but decide to take a break. My muscles stiffen up and begin to feel sore. Bruise. I look around me to see if anyone can see I've taken a break. No one is around. That fresh scent of trees that was once so refreshing is now closing in around me and I realize I'm all alone. I didn't realize I would be the only one climbing. I thought I could see so many people ahead of me. Now I see no one. Recloose. Am I willing to do this if no one goes with me?

The break really wasn't a break at all. It made my head spin. Confuse. It was better when I didn't have so much to think about. Where am I going? Which direction is it? And how am I going to get there? Out of the corner of my eye I catch a vision of a stream, so I walk over to absorb its beauty. Instead, I find my feet sinking into the earth as I get closer. I quickly realize that the closer I get, the more I will sink. I reach out my hands and wash them. The water is frigid. It wakes me up from the outside in. I tremble.

I shake. I cast off my baggage. In a moment of clarity, I don't want it weighing me down anymore. I let go. I feel lighter, and energy surges from a place inside me and my legs become stronger. Infuse. I stop looking around and press in for more upward hiking.

Higher.

About halfway up I run out of words. My thoughts become simplified because I am getting short of breath and need to focus on the most important ones. The air is also getting thinner. The distractions begin to fade as each step takes me higher. I am suddenly determined. Suddenly able to focus. Pushing forward. Breathe. No stopping. No going back. I refuse.

With the determination the pain comes back for an encore as if to make sure that I'm really sure this time. It came suddenly out of the dark, out of nowhere. I am blindsided. Abuse. Noose. I stop to analyze and realize I am not alone. I can feel a heaviness like a thick fog around me. It gets closer and quieter and surrounds me in its mist. In the stillness. I rest. Truce.

Break loose. When the fog is gone, I glance over my shoulder and catch a glimpse of the view. I see it but for a moment and then it's gone. Back to the climb I make my face like a flint. The trees begin to diffuse during the last few miles, and I begin to see the footprints as the path narrows...impressions made from the feet of those who have gone before me. They have left messages written in the dirt:

"It's going to be worth it."

Tears light my cheeks like a. Fuse. I press in knowing that I am not alone. My faith increases like the light above me. I'm almost there. Anticipation. Life. Joy.

Produce.

When I get to the top, I realize quickly that I cannot see through the light with my eyes. Surprise. I close them and open the eyes of my heart. An exchange is being made. Beauty for ashes. Joy for sorrow. A garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness. There's a fullness that cannot be contained and I find myself laughing and weeping and singing...right at His feet. I don't want to leave.

an offering--
I bring.

my broken pieces
to the king

I am heard
seen.

A flower
in the
spring

I cling.

"Who may ascend the hill of the LORD ?
Who may stand in his holy place?
He who has clean hands and a pure heart,
who does not lift up his soul to an idol
or swear by what is false.
He will receive blessing from the LORD
and vindication from God his Savior.
Such is the generation of those who seek him,
who seek your face, O God of Jacob."
(Psalm 24:3-6)

JUMP. (and don't look down...)

"I trust God"
is really quite easy to say.
But NOT so easy to do.

Practically speaking...it's easy to say anything. Because saying something doesn't require acting upon it when you're not being honest with yourself. If you wish to stay in the comfortable appearance of "trusting God" without fully committing to what that means, then stop reading here.
(Come back when you mean it.)

I'd like to suggest that "trusting" God is not a state of mind, but rather it is an act of the will. Your will. My will.

After all, how can we truly trust someone, without the "leap" over the edge of your "presumed" security (I say "presumed" because all the security we can provide for ourselves is)?

Who told us that trusting God would be EASY and why have we believed that there is something wrong when it isn't easy? I'd like to suggest that there is something wrong when you are comfortable in your "trust." I'd like to suggest that trust is not comfortable until you are fully not reliant on yourself.

Yeah, yeah, I trust You God...
But don't ask me to do that.
And don't ask me to say that.
And don't ask me to go there.
Or deal with this.
Because I am not prepared for Your plans.
And I'm too weak to face the outcome if it turns out to be difficult.
Or scary.
Or causes change in my life.
I don't really like change, God. You know that.
I trust You to make my choices transform into the best You have for me.
And I trust You to do things my way.
And, you know I can trust You to let me control You.

Is that even close to trust? Let's be honest. You either trust Him or you don't. There's no middle ground here. God wants everything. everything.

"But I just can't. I'm just too weak to trust in God."

Who said you had to be strong in order to trust in someOne else? It's only when you are weak and needy that you can draw from His stability. He's the only One who knows what is best for you. No, you can't see it all the time. You wouldn't have to trust Him if you could see what is coming in the next month.

What this means for me personally is that I choose to take each thing that comes at me as though it were directed by the hand of God. After all, if He's not surprised by it, then why should I be? What I choose to do is seek Him in it. See what He's saying, what He's doing, and seek how I can grow and change and lean more fully on His Reputation.

"I know your deeds;

you have a reputation of being alive,

but you are dead."

(Rev. 3:1)

Let's stand up and stir ourselves up. Strengthen what little remains. I pray that your faith would be increased and your confidence would be set in Him. His yoke is easy and His burden is light.

Sometimes our own burdens feel strangely "good" because they are familiar and we can convince ourselves that we "deserve" them. But the Bible says that the TRUTH will set you free.

How free are you?

When you trust the One who created the wind to carry you, you will fly. He has amazing things planned for you this year. Hold fast.

the fickleness of fairness

Today I had a bug flying around in the house. Not a ladybug or a butterfly or even a pesky house fly. It was minding its own business until I got the fly swatter out and showed it who was boss. Only when it was flattened and juicy on my window did I begin to dissect its character.

"It's not fair."

My kids consistantly try to hold me accountable to this mysterious "fair bug" and I although I have refused to let it bite me, today I dug a shallow grave for the little guy in an attempt to finally put it to rest. The truth is, I make regular attempts to reveal to my children how their faces change the instant they compare themseves to someone else, in hopes that they will see how they were content the brief moment prior.

Being a child of God, I like to think about how He parents me and then ask myself if my strategies are consistent with His. If it is true that He doesn't have "favorite" children, He sure has an uncommon way of showing it. Mary (the Mother of Jesus) was deemed "favored among women," the farmer in one parable paid the farmhands who began their work at the end of the day the same wage as at the ones who worked all day long, and only a select few were raised from the dead. And those are only a few Biblical examples. Sam, down the street, well, his house is bigger, his children are better behaved, and he just doesn't seem to get sick as often. If I didn't understand God's heart, I would see that, by means of comparison, no two receive the same perceived blessings or gifts. Instead, each one is given according to his need.

But God, I need more money, and a better job and I need...don't you know what I need?

Yes. He knows. In fact, He knows before I ask. And He knows better than I.

If you didn't know that God's heart was for you, not against you, you might...after analyzing His blatent neglect of you, be convinced that life isn't fair. And therefore, God isn't fair either.

Well, my friends, it's true. There is not much in life that is fair. But that is very different from convincing yourself that God loves you less just because you decided to compare yourself to someone else and get unhappy.

For those of us who "get this" concept already...then WHY do we, at Christmas time...make extra effort to be fair?

It's just easier, isn't it? And when something is easier that means it's better for you and those around you, right? Hmmm...

I think about what God does with His children. Surely God gives everyone the exact same gift so that no ones feelings get hurt and no one has to feel uncomfortable or jealous, right? Surely God is concerned with fairness. Isn't each person given the exact same "measure" of faith? Isn't each given the same "gift"? Oh my. What kind of God would we have...who would allow Himself to be confined by our definition of "fairness"?

A few years ago, I watched how crippling this false sense of "justice" is when my grandmother felt she was unable to support a grandchild going through very difficult financial trouble because, in order to give him money, she would "have to" give all of her grandchildren the exact same in order to not show favortism and be fair. Her hands were tied, and she herself tied them in the name of "fair." How sad her heart must have been to not be able to help a child in need!

Today the discomfort of "unfairness" was put to the test in me strongly. I had an arrangement with a friend of mine that this year we wouldn't be giving each other gifts for Christmas. Well, like a good rule-follower...I kept the rules emphatically.

But...guess what? Everything was fine until...she didn't keep the rules. Can I tell you how hard it was to receive a gift from someone knowing that I had nothing for her? My heart screamed injustice, and although I wanted desperately to find something...anything, to give in return to balance the table, I had nothing. My hands were empty and I was out of time. It was an uncomfortable blessing, and I think I grew about 12 inches after eating my own words!!

Complete, unfavored, unconditional love cannot be fully received if it is constantly being compared. We need to learn to receive, be blessed, and fully loved.

"Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him."

Psalm 37:4-6