The lost cost

Finally, a breath of fresh air. Sniff...so this is what it feels like. I'll take it, even if it comes with a little snow. So, for a few moments while my mind is clear, I wonder about myself: WHAT happened there?! And as I chew on one thought, another bubble pops and with the sticky on my face, a kalidescopic formulation begins to build a massive sculpture of colorful wads of bubble gum...tasted, chewed, then saved for nostalgic value. (Pop.)

I wonder if I care too much what others will think before I speak or act...

Does it matter to me what people say about me? ...

The answer to this question will influence my choices, words, and relationships. Is that freeing me or costing me? (Pop.) I want to explore this attribute of humanness and search out the truth in order to restore freedom back to life.

Jesus once said, "The truth will set you free..."

Truth results in freedom because it exposes, separates, and stabilizes the core issues. To sit on the fence and chew gray bubble gum may be unthreatening and colloquial; however, in essence, it is just that...gray. Uninviting, indifferent, diseased. I fool myself to think that this is peace when in actuality it is the only action done by pure lazyness. (Pop.)

I threw a party. The invitation was to those who were willing to come dressed their worst in clothes that they already had in their closet. Basically, it was a challenege for guests to ruin their reputations for one night by changing their outward appearance alone. The turnout was surprisingly good. What happened that night was that freedom was given room to just be. Each of us had come at a cost and had laid down our pride, and we talked with a new openness and vulnerability.

But generally, I squirm under truth like this, although it ignites me inside. I want to believe that truth is core in my life and I will pay for it at any cost. But truth at the cost of my reputation...(pop.) Am I willing to walk in this kind of freedom...

I have learned new information in the past few weeks. I have seen people hiding and lying in order to preserve their reputation. Instead, it actually cost them their reputation. And I wonder why I cover myself up when what I really need is to know that I am loved just as I am...
Broken. (Pop.)
Weak. (Pop.)
Unworthy. (Pop.)

Reputation is fragile. Truth is foundational.

John 15:19 "If you belonged to the world, it would love you as its own. As it is, you do not belong to the world, but I have chosen you out of the world. That is why the world hates you."

I have learned that being hated does not mean there is something wrong with the way I'm doing things. I have learned that Jesus did not defend His reputation. In the moments that He was being accused, He remained in love and truth, and remained confident in who He was and what He was here to do. (Pop.) Am I remaining in His love? Foundational in His truth? Confident in who I am and what I am here to do?

My heart longs to say yes.

I choose to pay the cost of freedom. To live no longer gray. (Pop.) Lord, help me.

Ezekiel 2:5-7:
"And whether they listen
or fail to listen...
they will know
that a prophet has been among them.
And you, son of man,
do not be afraid of them
or their words.
Do not be afraid,
though briers and thorns
are all around you
and you live among scorpions.
Do not be afraid
of what they say
or terrified by them,
though they are a rebellious house.
You must speak my words to them, whether they listen or fail to listen..."

After all, the only alternative is a free piece of gray bubble gum disguised in peace.