Going along for the ride

There are few things in life more contesting and regenerating than when I discover something about myself that needs to change. Occassionally, the problem and the solution present themselves simultaneously, exposing a glint of ease, if for only a moment. Even in those brief segments, a dream is laid bare against a nightmare, and my soul is summoned to choose an answer.

I have had the opportunity to feel the twisting and pulling and dunking of these changes in my life this past week. It's like I'm at the top of a wild waterslide looking at the only way down and the only decision I really have to make is how long do I shiver at the top.

...the twisting is what happens to my stomach when I realize I am not what I thought I was. Before this moment, I didn't know that my attitude wouldn't volunteer for the ride.

...the pulling is when I begin my descent sprawling out with hands and feet, trying to stop myself on the way down...Before this moment, I didn't know that my fear was stopping me from experiencing the joy of breakthrough. Finally, the water overtakes me; I can no longer control my speed and it's a slippery ride.

...the dunking...oh, that splash of cold water at the end! Before that moment, I didn't know I would be smiling at the bottom.

And that's the best part because it's over and I just did it.

It happened.
That wasn't so bad.
And for a few brief moments I consider
going
again.