Sunday, May 31, 2009

Dig, Plant, Water, Fertilize, Sun...then... WAIT

I stood at the window on Saturday morning looking over my garden and felt this crazy ache inside my heart for these little lives to "GROW!!!" I must have said it out loud in my stirring. Grow, grow...grow!! I can't water enough, fertilize enough, do enough for them to grow faster. The only thing they need now is time.

This morning, I must have gone over to the window in the same fashion as I had yesterday morning, tore open the blinds and looked over the yard. Instead of hearing it come out of me, my son yelled from behind me...

GRRRRRRRRRRRRROWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Making babies

In the fall two years ago, I planted bulbs. Dug holes. Plop. Down under. Into the dirt they went. Then covered up. More dirt. I really had no idea what I was doing, or why bulbs had to go under like that, but I had hope that in the spring, and without much effort, they would sprout into something lovely.

Thus began a season of hiddenness in my life. Like the bulbs, I went down under...thriving somehow mysteriously in the cold, wet, dark, ground. No one could see me. Yet I knew I belonged there for a season. I knew it would be uncomfortable. But hope hung on because the spring always comes.

When spring did come, I found myself afraid to look. I refused to go into the back yard to see if anything had happened because if nothing came up, I would know that was symbolic of me and I didn't think I could handle it. Eventually, I did look. And there were my little plants. Babies. But green and growing. My heart lifted...Suddenly it seemed effortless.

I have no idea why life is like that. Jesus said that unless a seed falls to the ground and dies it will not bear fruit. Its His master plan. It's only after death that life comes. And the growing part happened without a single ounce of effort on my part...I just had to have enough courage to dig a hole, bury my seed, wait, then look.

I've been thinking lots about seeds and plants and weeds lately. You see, this year, in my garden, I have discovered a multiplying going on. It was totally unexpected and made my heart do one of those leap things where it almost comes out (God invented skin for moments like those). So I have been collecting the babies and finding new homes for them...and the anticipation continues, but in a whole new way...these are babies I can already see. What a glorious season! This time, my plant reproduced out of fertility, not death...and opportunity expanded without boundaries.

So many different kinds of seeds. So many different seasons in life. All of them worth while. Full of purpose. Some hidden. Others spreading.

Guess that's where I just have to make sure that I have room. And when I run out of room, I must share. And when I see a weed creeping in, I grab my shovel and yank it out to preserve that which is precious...My heart is precious. Your heart is precious. It is molded by the seasons. It needs to be guarded. And let loose. And spread around.

John 14:26-27 "...The Holy Spirit whom the Father will send at my request, will make everything plain to you. He will remind you of all the things I have told you. I'm leaving you well and whole. That's my parting gift to you. Peace. I don't leave you the way you're used to being left—feeling abandoned, bereft. So don't be upset. Don't be distraught. "

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Mommy...I've got voices in my head.

Today when I was assembling my son's Sloppy Joe on his plate, I asked him to move his hands out of the way. I had a big spoonful of hot & sloppy sauce and didn't want him to get burned. He moved them for a second, but just as I started to pour, he put his hand back under the sauce to catch some of it and cried out in pain when he burned himself. Frustrated, I said, "WHY didn't you listen to me?"

"My heart said to put my hand there..." came his innocent reply. The juicy tears were rolling down his cheeks.

So incredibly adorable. I hope he learns his lesson and never does that again.

How many times does my heart tell me to do something, and I end up in pain? Just because I think it's a good idea, doesn't mean that it is a good idea. Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial. And neither can my heart be trusted.

Examples? How about ME in a store with a good sale, rationalizing that even though I was saving my money, I just cannot pass up this opportunity? How about ME spending hours working on a logo for my "new company name that God gave me" only to find out that it's already taken and I can't use it after all? How about ME with 2 hours of free time, squandering it on work??

Silly, easily misled, and vulnerable: H-E-L-P. My heart is no better than my four-year olds. If my heart alone should not govern my actions, what should?

Sometimes I am amazed at how loudly the "things" in front of me talk.
  • The floor says, "Sweep me."
  • The flour says, "Make something yummy with me."
  • Then the cookies say, "Eat me."
  • The children say, "Play with me."
  • The garden says, "Weed me."
  • The computer says, "Work on me."
  • But the quietest voice of all, compells all these other voices to submit their priority. This voice says, "Seek me."
Following God requires my full attention. I am amazed and perplexed at how to do this. He says that as I "keep company" with Him, I will receive rest because His yoke is easy and His burden is light. In the Message translation it says, "I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you."

So when my heart tells me to stick my hand out under "hot sauce," I can't blame the burn on God.

If He truly is the governing Voice in my life, I must keep my eyes fixed on Him. Make sure that His message conveys the loudest words in my heart. Lead confidently only because I am following confidently. Seek Him passionately and allow myself to be found. Love unconditionally and allow myself to be loved when I feel unloveable...

"When Moses went and told the people all the LORD's words and laws, they responded with one voice, "Everything the LORD has said we will do."
(Exodus 24:3)

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Where did the time go?

There is always work to do.

And even when there is no work to do, there's always dusting. (Even if you've just finished.)

Being busy is a state of mind. An excuse. It keeps us from doing the things that are really important to us.

If something is truly important to you, you will make time for it.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Did Jill really climb that hill?

I am stuck. Stuck on this one piece of scripture and I can't get past it. Can't go around it. Gotta go through it (or maybe over it).

Finish the sentence:

"When Jesus saw his ministry drawing huge crowds, he..."
A. Knew He was becoming the flavor of the month and enjoyed every moment of it
B. Decided now was a good time to stir them up and get them all excited about the Kingdom
C. Spoke louder so they could hear him in the back
D. Climbed a hill

I am in awe of how he dealt with his popularity...if you guessed that Jesus "climbed a hill" you were right. He literally made it even more difficult for people to follow him. He was "content with obscurity" and "content with second best" and when he became more popular, he weeded them out by making it physically difficult for them to follow.

I am just amazed at that.

And then when he got to the top of the hill, the first words out of his mouth were: "You're blessed when you're at the end of your rope"...

I think there were more than a few people at the end of their rope as they trudged all the way to the top of that hill...I can almost hear the huffing and puffing...

But then he just delivered this promise so difficult, yet mixed with profound comfort...and he continued, "...when you're at the end of your rope...with less of you, there is more of God and His rule."

I'm kind of thinking that there must have literally been less of them...their sweaty armpits and foreheads must have exhausted at least a few pounds of water from their bodies. More of God.

More of God. More of God. Less of me.

Do I want more of God and his rule? Am I willing to do what it takes to come to the end of my rope? Some days it happens quite naturally. But the days when I am content are perhaps the most dangerous days because those days I am not climbing the hill...I'm choosing to stay at the bottom where the water and food are. And savoring my own strength.

My life for Yours.
My heart for Yours.
My strength for Yours.