When did I stop being weird? When did life become so serious?
As I grew up, I remember the ways in which I desperately tried to look and act like everyone else did. I adopted tacky fads. Spoke stylish words. Poofed my hair with the highest of poofs. I was still me...somewhere. Whenever she would emerge, I would make sure to tell her how to talk and act in order to be noticed the least.
As I grew up, I remember the ways in which I desperately tried to look and act like everyone else did. I adopted tacky fads. Spoke stylish words. Poofed my hair with the highest of poofs. I was still me...somewhere. Whenever she would emerge, I would make sure to tell her how to talk and act in order to be noticed the least.
I bet it was then that I discovered there was little use for creativity.
Perhaps that's why there is nothing scarier to me than the thought of a blank canvas. The blank canvas symbolizes to me all the ways in which I blend in. Blank is good...right? To take that first step, the first stroke, to deliberately not choose white, to exercise the first bold tickle of PINK means that I am no longer just white anymore. I have taken on weirdness at the risk of standing out.
What happens next could be...gasp...or could not be...great.
I look back on that part of my life with wonder...What would I have become if, instead of hiding who I was, I expressed myself without reservation. Well, I can't change the past. So that leaves only one time zone to change...gulp.
God created me to be...different. And you...to be different from me. But in His perfect plan, we live peacefully together. Why didn't I see it?
Today I realize the profoundness of a blank canvas on my heart. And I long to color and play, whimsical and peculiar. Colorful. Escaping. Refreshing. Splash. Weird.
If I were totally free...free to be as weird as God made me...what would change about my canvas?
I think I would dress differently. Without looking around to make sure I'm still in style. Maybe I'd shower less. Dance and scream when it is not expected. Explore more. Control less. Play like it wasn't a waste of time. Nap when exhaustion hits instead of pushing through it.
Proverbs 6:5 "Free yourself, like a gazelle from the hand of the hunter, like a bird from the snare of the fowler."
3 comments:
I really like that verse at the end there, Mii.
That is often how I act. As if I am a timid gazelle with hunters watching for me. One wrong move and I'm done for. Just want to blend in.
Thanks for making me think about this again.
Totally true, and it challenges me a lot. I've always wanted to "blend in", because I fear I don't. I KNOW I'm weird, and I'm not comfortable with it. I need to be.
Yay for you! I'm glad it hasn't taken you as long to become comfortable with yourself as it took me. I just keep imagining if the things I create turned around and said to me, "Um, I don't think so!" How much fun would that be? We take some of God's joy when we try to be what we're not meant to be. Good for you for looking that issue in the face! Be all you were created to be girl! Make God laugh with pleasure at what a good job he's done!
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